Being a Step mom is hard

Being a Step Mom is hard!

So I have wanted to write about this for a while. I had an experience in church a while ago with this. They were asking about how our husbands support us, and I raised my hand and said that my husband supports me with Logan. I said that there are days that I feel like screaming and crying, and that it is hard trying to get through the day sometimes. The lady responded that, that is just part of being a mom.  I wanted to yell at her and say no its not. Its not the same at all! 

Being a step mom is hard especially when I won't ever have the opportunity to have my own kids. It makes it even harder when you are told "I don't have to listen to you" "you aren't my mom" "I hate you".  Or when you are ignored and given dirty looks, and my husband does his best to make it better. 

Now there are days when its good and I enjoy being around Logan. We are able to go and do fun things and he wants to be around me. 

So if I seem to be spoiling other peoples kids its because I won't ever have the chance with my own. If I seem to cuddle your baby a little longer then most you will understand. When I seem to have a lot of pictures with my nephews its because the only way I get to experience that age is through them. 

I hope to one day have a really good relationship with Logan, but for now I will keep trying. There will be days I want to tear my hair out and scream. Those will be the days I spend a lot of time in my room. Then there will be days Logan and I will get along great.  So the next time you know someone is a step mom or step dad don't assume they know how it is to be a mom or dad. It is completely different then having your own kids.

Being Truthful

So I feel like I need to put this out there for everyone, and to help support those that might feel like they are alone. I have felt like I was going crazy for the last 6 to 7 months. I thought no big deal suck it up and deal with it. There are people that are worse off then you. You are probably thinking what are you talking about?

I am talking about feeling anxious and depressed. My entire life the people that I thought should love me the most have swept this kind of stuff under the rug. It was something that no one talked about. If there were problems you didn't tell anyone, because then people would start to talk and then think you were crazy.

I am here to tell you I thought that also for the last 6 to 7 months. When my sister shared a movie with me https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYUQ_nlZgWE. 

It still took me awhile to come up with the courage to really talk with my husband about everything. I thought maybe he would think that I was going crazy. I had told him that I had a anxiety attack at work and I contacted my sister and she was able to help me through it. My loving and understanding husband sat me down and let me know that he would support me with whatever I decided to do. I was so relieved in that moment. 

I have never had problems with this stuff before. I get seasonal depression in the winter because its always dark, but other then that I have never had problems. Then my step son started to have behavior problems and it was really hard to deal with that and work. (That started in November) 
Then I got a new student right after spring break in April. He started the second day at the school getting really angry and throwing chairs and being aggressive to other students. It was so over whelming and I felt like I was going crazy. I would go to work and then come home and never get a break. Now I know that some people might think its not a big deal. I am a very sensitive person for anyone that knows me personally. I take everything very personally and I have been this way since I was little. All my parents would have to do is look at me when I did something wrong and I would break down in tears.

Anyway, as this went on I felt like I was losing who I was and I was going crazy. So after watching the movie I mentioned above I decided that once school was over I was going to take some action. I decided to go to the doctor. So with my loving husband by my side. I went to the doctor and told him what was going on. He didn't treat me like I was crazy. He was very kind and understanding. He wants to help me. He told me that he is not in a rush to get me off of the medicine. But he does think that eventually I can go off of the medicine.

I want anyone out there who may be struggling with this to know that you are not alone and you are not crazy. If I have learned anything from this is that I have to take care of myself first before I can take care of anyone else. I am glad that I have so many people that love me and that have my back no matter what. 

Just remember take it one day at a time. :)

There are angels watching over us

The reason I titled this one the way I did was because Tom got in a car accident on Monday.  He was waiting at a light and someone hit him from behind.  He hit the steering wheel really hard and hurt his stomach.  His car is a a total loss, but he is okay.  I am sure that angels were watching over him and that is why he wasn't hurt.  I am so grateful for the gospel that is in my life and knowing that our Heavenly Father is watching over us.  

Tom got hit so hard that the bumper ended up falling off.

The trunk won't even close.

I feel very grateful that nothing more happened.  I didn't even know what was going on until I looked at my phone.  I was in class and so I had no idea what was going on.  I think I was more freaked out then he was.  I am very grateful for my husband he is my angel. He has helped me more then he knows.  I wouldn't be able to do certain things without him encouraging me.

He is such an amazing dad.  He is patient and puts Logan before anything.  I can't wait to have kids of our own one day.  For now I will just enjoy having Logan with us.  

I have started going over and helping him with his homework during the week until his mom gets home.  Its fun to see him start to get better at reading and math.  We are also beginning to form a relationship.  There are days that we all probably could strangle each other, but that's with any family.  

We are planning on being sealed in August when Josh is home from his mission.  I can't believe he comes home so soon.  We will talk to him on Mother's Day and then he will be home.  There are so many things that I am looking forward to this year.  I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father that always makes a way for things to happen.  I wholeheartedly believe in paying tithing.  We have seen so many blessings with paying our tithing.

I am so grateful for all of you.

Rachael

Holidays

Once again it is the Holiday season.  Its been weird this year with celebrating Holidays.  I got to take my nephew trick or treating and we found out that night he is going to have a little brother.

 He was a minion because he wouldn't put anything else on lol :)

The shirt says "Little Brothers Rock"

Tom and I have had to get used to his new schedule for work.  He works at night and I work during the day.  This makes it really difficult to see each other. I spend a lot of time alone and try to keep myself busy.  I have class on Monday and Thursday nights.  I get to watch my cute nephew on Wednesday nights, but not for much longer.  I'm sure his mom and dad won't mind if I take him for a little bit sometimes.  

Its been really hard to get used to the Holidays since they are different since I got married.  I don't get to spend as much time with my family as I used to. Its just a lot of change.  I miss my siblings being there and spending it with them. We did go and pick pumpkins out with my sister and her cute family.  We were able to take Logan and let him choose a pumpkin.  Tom had to work on Halloween night.  So the weekend before Halloween we took Logan and did this instead.  We even were able to go through a corn maze with him.

I am going to be very honest right now.  I try not to let my feelings show on these kinds of things.  I thought that being a step parent would be great since I come from a divorced family.  I knew it would be hard, but it would be worth it. It is a lot harder then I thought it was going to be.  There have been a lot of tears at night after Logan has gone to bed.  I'm not ever sure how to get through to him since he has a hard time wanting to listen to me.  It is a struggle to have a job where I am around kids all day.  Then on the weekends and sometimes during the week have a kid that doesn't want to listen to me.  

I have also tried to plan fun activities and all he wants to do is to play on his tablet or DS.  I have no idea of what to do.  We are on the right path of having him go to therapy.  He recently was diagnosed with dyslexia and ADHD.  I'm just not sure how to get through to him.  I don't want him to hate coming over to our house, but I also don't want to be in tears because he won't listen or doesn't want to do anything with us.  

If anyone out there is going to be going into a situation of becoming a step parent don't think that it will be a breeze.  Even if you went through being a child in a divorce like me.  It is not the same.  Some kids are able to handle it better then others.  Some are still confused and don't understand it.  

All I know is that I have to stick close to my Heavenly Father.  I sometimes can feel myself just pulling away because I can't do it anymore.  I know that is the time when you should be sticking the closest to him.  I struggle at times with this.  I have an amazing husband though that is close to our Heavenly Father and knows what I need even when I don't.  I am so very grateful to have a husband that is worthy to hold his priesthood.  I am so very grateful that even when I don't know if I need a blessing he is close to the spirit and knows that I need one.  I have no idea where I would be without him.  He is my rock even when I don't think I can do it anymore.  I have a loving Heavenly Father that knew that I needed Tom in my life.  I know that Tom has told me many times that he doesn't know where he would be without me.  

I never believed people when they said that as husband and wife you will help each other with their faith.  I believe that now.  We stand strong together. When one of us is struggling with our faith we are there to carry the other one, until we can stand on our own two feet again.  I am so very grateful for the gospel that is in my life.  I can't wait for the day that Tom and I can be sealed in the temple.  We have set the goal to be sealed by our first anniversary. That is a little over six months away.  This seems so crazy to me I feel like we just got married.  I want to wait for my brother to get home in August before we do it.  I want him to be there.  That way all of my siblings can be there.  I am so very blessed to have amazing siblings.  Even though they are younger then me they are the ones I look up to. I am so very grateful for a brother who chose to go on a mission, even when he had every right not to go.  He is an amazing young man.  

   

School is starting again

Let the fun begin!

Looking back I never thought a year ago I would be where I am now.  A lot has happened in a year.  I got my first teaching job last year finally got to quit Farr's Ice Cream.  Then that's when the real fun began.  I was never prepared for the year that I had.  Even though it was very stressful at times it was worth it.  I learned so much and I was able to work with some amazing people.  I was able to work with one of my best friend's.  We were able to help each other out throughout the year.  Jennilyn Hancey is an amazing person she helped me throughout the year and helped me become a better person.

This is my classroom from last year.

Jenni helped me a lot with setting it up along with a lot of other people.

The other thing that is that my little brother Josh left to Oaxaca, Mexico for a two year LDS Mission.  I am so proud of him for everything that he has accomplished.  He is such an example to me.

This is from Christmas, he bought a hat because his head was cold lol :)

I met the love of my life during my first year of teaching.  He swept me off my feet and helped me to see that I can depend on someone else.  At times things have been hard and trying.  The one thing that we both have tried to do is to keep close to one another and trust in Heavenly Father no matter what happens.  Even though we were not able to get married in the temple that will always be our goal. We will one day be sealed for eternity in the Ogden temple.  I became a step mom at the same time.  It is one of the most rewarding and at times frustrating things.  I have learned so much from this little boy.

 Sorry I don't know how to switch the picture

I was able to get a teaching job down where we are living.  I am going to be teaching 2nd grade.  It is kind of intimidating to come into a school that I know nothing about.  I am very grateful to have people on my team that are willing to work with me and be patient. I know that my husband will always be supportive.  He has helped me with so much with getting ready.  Even if that meant cutting things out at night.

I am so grateful that Heavenly Father prepared me for everything that has happened in my life.  It has taught me a lot of patience.  I am still learning patience now.  I am grateful for my Heavenly Father and for the gospel that is in my life.  I would not be where I am now without my Heavenly Father's help.  I know that I can return to my Heavenly Father by keeping his commandments and becoming a better person.  I know that I'm not perfect, but I am very glad I can start over new every day.

June 13, 2014 a day to remember forever

Well I guess its time to let everyone know about how our day went.  It was an amazing day and I'm so glad that we had so much family to help us celebrate it.

In the morning we got to the church to set up everything and there was a sign on the doors saying we couldn't be on the floors.  So we had to make a few quick phone calls and luckily we were ok to go on the floor.  At least one thing has to go wrong on the wedding day right? :)

After I had gotten dressed and before everything started I wanted to get a picture of Tom seeing me for the first time in my dress.  So Chelsey helped me get in my dress and then we had Tom stand with his back to me and then while the photographer was taking pictures he turned around.

 He was so surprised! :)

I was so glad to have some time before and we were able to have some pictures done.  

It was nice to get all the family pictures done before the ceremony because then we could eat something before the reception.  It also made it so we could just visit with people.

 He loves his dad so much 

 The only time Josh will be shorter then us haha :) I know he was there in spirit though

 I love this picture

 My family is now a lot bigger and I love it :)

My friend Jenni and her family did the decorations and they did an amazing job.  I could have never asked for anything better.

 The quilt was done by my Aunt Toni, Grandma, and other family members I love it. :)

Cake cutting

 It was hard to try and not tip it over and we were nice to each other.

First Dance

 He is such a goof and does some funny dancing he always keeps a smile on my face. :)

 I am married to my best friend :)

Taking off of the garter and throwing of the bouquet  

 I kept tickling him while he was trying to take it off

 Here you go have it back haha The only two single guys there Kenny and little Robert :)

 He's so cute so dressed up

 I had to convince her that she could keep it.  They were so cute in their yellow dresses.

So everyone thought they were sneaky, but when they all disappeared I knew exactly what had happened.  They weren't to mean at least.  It was nice to get some pictures of it.  Since we had to drive separately they got both of our cars. :)  

Confetti all over in my car

Yes that is a potato with noise makers in it on my exhaust.  Oh man it was really funny when I pressed on the gas.  They also took the Dr. Pepper in my car and tied it to my car, as soon as I took off it exploded all over.

Over all it was a great day.  I am so glad to be Mrs. Miller now.  I am looking forward to the day that we can go to the temple and be sealed for eternity.  It is one thing that we will get there some day no matter what.  I am so grateful for my family and the family I married into for all the support.  We couldn't do it without any of you.  I have to say thank you to my adoptive family the Hancey's they have helped me through so much.  They spent so much time helping Tom and I with decorations.