Being a Step mom is hard

Being a Step Mom is hard!

So I have wanted to write about this for a while. I had an experience in church a while ago with this. They were asking about how our husbands support us, and I raised my hand and said that my husband supports me with Logan. I said that there are days that I feel like screaming and crying, and that it is hard trying to get through the day sometimes. The lady responded that, that is just part of being a mom.  I wanted to yell at her and say no its not. Its not the same at all! 

Being a step mom is hard especially when I won't ever have the opportunity to have my own kids. It makes it even harder when you are told "I don't have to listen to you" "you aren't my mom" "I hate you".  Or when you are ignored and given dirty looks, and my husband does his best to make it better. 

Now there are days when its good and I enjoy being around Logan. We are able to go and do fun things and he wants to be around me. 

So if I seem to be spoiling other peoples kids its because I won't ever have the chance with my own. If I seem to cuddle your baby a little longer then most you will understand. When I seem to have a lot of pictures with my nephews its because the only way I get to experience that age is through them. 

I hope to one day have a really good relationship with Logan, but for now I will keep trying. There will be days I want to tear my hair out and scream. Those will be the days I spend a lot of time in my room. Then there will be days Logan and I will get along great.  So the next time you know someone is a step mom or step dad don't assume they know how it is to be a mom or dad. It is completely different then having your own kids.

Being Truthful

So I feel like I need to put this out there for everyone, and to help support those that might feel like they are alone. I have felt like I was going crazy for the last 6 to 7 months. I thought no big deal suck it up and deal with it. There are people that are worse off then you. You are probably thinking what are you talking about?

I am talking about feeling anxious and depressed. My entire life the people that I thought should love me the most have swept this kind of stuff under the rug. It was something that no one talked about. If there were problems you didn't tell anyone, because then people would start to talk and then think you were crazy.

I am here to tell you I thought that also for the last 6 to 7 months. When my sister shared a movie with me https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYUQ_nlZgWE. 

It still took me awhile to come up with the courage to really talk with my husband about everything. I thought maybe he would think that I was going crazy. I had told him that I had a anxiety attack at work and I contacted my sister and she was able to help me through it. My loving and understanding husband sat me down and let me know that he would support me with whatever I decided to do. I was so relieved in that moment. 

I have never had problems with this stuff before. I get seasonal depression in the winter because its always dark, but other then that I have never had problems. Then my step son started to have behavior problems and it was really hard to deal with that and work. (That started in November) 
Then I got a new student right after spring break in April. He started the second day at the school getting really angry and throwing chairs and being aggressive to other students. It was so over whelming and I felt like I was going crazy. I would go to work and then come home and never get a break. Now I know that some people might think its not a big deal. I am a very sensitive person for anyone that knows me personally. I take everything very personally and I have been this way since I was little. All my parents would have to do is look at me when I did something wrong and I would break down in tears.

Anyway, as this went on I felt like I was losing who I was and I was going crazy. So after watching the movie I mentioned above I decided that once school was over I was going to take some action. I decided to go to the doctor. So with my loving husband by my side. I went to the doctor and told him what was going on. He didn't treat me like I was crazy. He was very kind and understanding. He wants to help me. He told me that he is not in a rush to get me off of the medicine. But he does think that eventually I can go off of the medicine.

I want anyone out there who may be struggling with this to know that you are not alone and you are not crazy. If I have learned anything from this is that I have to take care of myself first before I can take care of anyone else. I am glad that I have so many people that love me and that have my back no matter what. 

Just remember take it one day at a time. :)